Hopeless Romantic

-

 My eyes are rarely dry.

I beg hard for things that were never meant to be mine

for people that didn't want anything to do with me

Was a "Cassie" to every man I knew

wanted to give it all to every man I knew

and I wanted the same back to me

I was never given what I gave


and I get pushed back to the corner of my bed

I reprimand myself

for how cruel I can get with my sisters

hang up on them when they start pressing on my nerves

"I don't feel okay, and I don't wanna talk'' 

but I never dared to do it with him

I never set borders with him or with any guy

 I broke down all the borders 

just for them to get in 

and break me down

teaching me how to build stronger, up to sky borders

teaching me how to treat all as abusers in disguise

hating all, being unfair to all

taking everything and giving nothing 

doing all of this, while feeling proud


If I have to go down, you are all going down with me

the more distant I became

the more distance people want to cut, to get closer to me

the higher my walls are 

the more determined people become to climb it up

the more cold and numb my hands gotten

the more they get held

nothing revives the heart after its stop

even if it was something the heart would have stopped for


how I mistakenly portrayed myself as a spoiled brat

crying over that one doll that got taken away from her grasp

it was never just sad, begging sobs

it was never that I wanted this doll and nothing else

its that every time my hands landed on a doll

life takes it away from me

"Sorry sweetheart that's not for you"

that I stopped landing my hands on any



I grew up to start believing a lot of stuff was never meant to be mine

being constantly included and wanted was never mine

being loved and chosen first was never mine

simply, this party wasn't mine

and I had to go 

I had to go before time played its tricks on me

and persuade me to give in this time

and act like the party is mine



that only time I was grateful I am a benchwarmer

is this time

because it made me write this

it made me who I am now

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