Lowest of the lows

 It's 4/06/2021 10:58 pm Ismailia.

Red flags everywhere, Pointing to just one thing. I don't want to look at it, I don't dare to look at it. I know I won't be the same if I did. They said," Face it, Look at it, Fix it, Don't run away". I said I wasn't strong enough to do this, please, this time only, let me escape it, let me run away. 

I dream of my childhood, my face that had changed, my big eyes that had got smaller, my smile that faded away and my dreams that got shot dead in the head. I can hear them talking, wondering what happened to me, what made me like this. "Tragic, She used to fly high in the sky, and now she is trying to just crawl".

 If I could go back in time just once, I'd do it, to Thank myself for how good of a person I was, to apologize for how bad of a person I am.

 I sent letters to my inner child, crying out for help.

 I'd always frown up at my wasted days soaring high, now I'd waste every and each day just to soar that high one more time, to compete with doubts one more time, to be the old me one more time. 

I miss the sound of applause and cheers, I miss the smiles and kisses, I miss the greetings and handshakes, and I miss winning. They'd battle to climb up to me, and now I beg them to pick me up. Blow the dust off the old victories, look at them one last time. Kiss them Goodbye and let your past self rest in peace.