HanaBehindCamera

 Again, It's 14/06/2021   4:41 PM Ismailia. Who would have expected I'd be here, in this dark twisted tunnel ? Living your whole life shining makes anything less bright undesirable. I lost my vision for threats, I lost my count of time . Here, shoved in the muddy corner, on a jet black night, expecting kicks from nowhere and everywhere . Blindfolded, hearing shotguns echoing in the space, waiting for my turn to get shot , to get shot by a bullet that I can never dodge, way too late to dodge . It's ironic how good of a victim role I can act out, fool myself once , fool myself twice. Every feeling of sorrow I experience now had been destined to be mine , and only mine upon the sins I openly and freely chose to make . I shall dictate, that I, Hana , was never responsible enough to use my freedom and privilege wisely and now I'm paying the price , Now I'm forced to taste my own poison.   I keep sliding down the hill, and I forgot how it feels to be balanced . The ...

 It's 4/06/2021 10:58 pm Ismailia. Red flags everywhere, Pointing to just one thing. I don't want to look at it, I don't dare to look at it. I know I won't be the same if I did. They said," Face it, Look at it, Fix it, Don't run away ". I said I wasn't strong enough to do this, please, this time only, let me escape it, let me run away.   I dream of my childhood, my face that had changed, my big eyes that had got smaller, my smile that faded away and my dreams that got shot dead in the head . I can hear them talking, wondering what happened to me, what made me like this. " Tragic, She used to fly high in the sky, and now she is trying to just crawl ".   If I could go back in time just once, I'd do it, to Thank myself for how good of a person I was, to apologize for how bad of a person I am .  I sent letters to my inner child , crying out for help.  I'd always frown up at my wasted days soaring high, now I'd waste every and each day...